Why I Stopped Cropping My Body Out of My Photos for Dating Sites
lundi 26 août 2019
The emerald green lake is the perfect backdrop for my photo. I hand my phone to my friend and she proceeds to snap some pics of me by the water. I swipe through the results, instantly disappointed. Most are unusable: My hair is blowing over my face. I’m moving too much, causing a blur. Mainly, she has caught my full figure inside the lens, and that is nothing I want to share.
I take matters into my own hands. I grab my phone, angle it just right, and press. Voila, a selfie, letting me zoom in on my “best” features while carefully cutting out the other “less desirable” ones. This has become my new regimen—one I’d expect from my teenage niece, but not what I ever thought I’d be doing as a 40-something woman.
While many men like full-figured women, my body type was not often desired when I was an adolescent. Tugboat, trapezoid, pear. These were just a few nicknames doled out throughout the years to refer to the shape of my body—one that is traditionally “normal” until below the hips, where it’s as if someone has taken an air pump and inflated my hips, buttocks, and thighs. Once, when I was happily swimming with a group of friends, a man I worked with looked at me, then loudly said, “Such a pretty face—shame about the body.” It would take me several hours—and a burst of newfound courage—to finally get out of the pool. I wished for the power to crop my thighs right out of his periphery.
“Voila, a selfie, letting me zoom in on my ‘best’ features while carefully cutting out the other “less desirable” ones.”
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I take a few more shots in hopes of getting the perfect profile image to use for online dating sites. When I return home from the lake, I adjust, crop, and suddenly, it’s the perfect picture. While it is, in fact, me in the image, foolish grin and all, I realize that I feel deceitful. Perhaps not as false as bald men only posting photos of themselves with full heads of hair, but it feels false just the same.
These pictures get a lot of responses. “You’re hot,” says the 25-year-old from Queens. “Why are you on this site?” messages another. “Beautiful,” is fairly common. I smile at these empty comments but realize I need to change how I am representing myself. Maybe I need to get a selfie stick and go full throttle. Let them see me, “flaws” and all, but I can’t. Not just yet. Online dating is hard enough—being in my 40s makes it near impossible.
I send a few messages back and forth with a man, and a casual date is set up. I panic. My gut tells me this is not the way to meet someone—that I’m a people person and need it to happen more organically. But my heart, which has been broken, pounded, and nearly removed from my body by heartbreak, wants to at least give this a try. I begin to try on outfits in preparation, but none of them can truly hide what I look like. I put on the jeans, which somehow no longer cover my stomach but expose it. Then I try my favorite dress, which apparently no longer fits. I end up in black pants and a black top. If I remain sitting down on the date, they will never know about my hidden bottom, I tell myself. Still, I am panicked.
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“I have been struggling with my weight and body image since I was a teenager. No amount of exercise and deprivation will ever truly render me thin. I have grown to accept it. But do I love my body? I’m not there yet.”
I’m not always this insecure. Some days, I waltz into a date with the confidence of Beyoncé, and most of the time, it works. But every now and then, a guy looks so disappointed that I want to crawl under the table. On those dates, I sit there, smiling, hoping I don’t have to get up to go to the bathroom, fearing what he will think when he sees my entire silhouette.
I often never know what these blind dates think of me because I rarely get the chance to go on a second date with them—even if they text me right away to tell me what a great time they had. Perhaps I would save all of us a lot of time if I’d post full body shots on my profile—perhaps we all should. With social media only showing the best parts of our lives, wouldn’t it be refreshing to just show the whole thing?
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I have been struggling with my weight and body image since I was a teenager. No amount of exercise and deprivation will ever truly render me thin. I have grown to accept it. But do I love my body? I’m not there yet. I am not sure if I will ever get there. Being different is something I can embrace in many facets of my life. But being a size 12 for most of my life has never felt ideal to me. And that right there is probably the greatest detriment in my life. If I don’t know how to love my body, how can I expect spongeworthy876 to love it?
“I include the caption, ‘Unapologetically curvy.'”
After some time, I decide to try something new. I add a full-body picture to my online dating profile and include the caption, “Unapologetically curvy.” I feel like a woman in those Dove commercials—full figured in my skivvies and running in the streets for all to see. When it loads, part of me wants to wrap myself up in my favorite long sweater and hide my body, my imperfections, my vulnerability. I am tempted to take the picture down. But I keep still. I leave it online. This is me. All of me.
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< Why I Stopped Cropping My Body Out of My Photos for Dating SitesHow to Prevent a Hangover, According to a Doctor
It's the million dollar question: How can you prevent yourself from being miserably hung over the morning after drinking? We know you don't want to hear it, but the only way to guarantee you won't wake up with hangover symptoms like a headache, nausea, and fatigue is to avoid drinking too much in the first place, George F. Koob, MD, director of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, tells Health.
OK, sorry, we'll stop telling you things you already know. Fortunately, Dr. Koob also let us in on a few other ways to help fend off a hangover—or at least ease the symptoms if you do end up with one so it feels a lot less wicked. These tips may not always work, but they're better than doing nothing and suffering through all that next-day awfulness.
Eat something before you drink
"Food absorbs alcohol," Dr. Koob says. Having something in your stomach will keep the alcohol you do drink from being absorbed into your bloodstream too quickly, which will cut back on any hangover symptoms in the morning. Just about any kind of food will help, Dr. Koob advises, though some experts believe meals that contain protein and fat are the most effective. For that reason, nutritionist Claudia T. Felty, PhD, RDN, previously told Health she recommends Buddha bowls: “They provide a healthy dose of plant protein, healthy fats, and hydrating veggies.”
RELATED: 10 Common Hangover Cures and What Doctors Think of Them
Sip water with your alcohol
Hydrating before you go out is always a good idea, but it's just as important to keep up with the H2O while you're drinking. Pro tip: Alternate between your alcoholic beverage and a glass of water. Alcohol dehydrates you, which can intensify hangover symptoms. Any water you ingest will help, even if it's just the ice cubes in your drink. Oh, and downing a glass (or three) before you go to bed is smart, too.
Opt for clear liquor
Clear liquors typically have fewer chemicals called congeners than the darker ones, Dr. Koob says. Congeners are toxic substances made during the fermentation process that play a big role in that sickly feeling you get after drinking. So order a drink with vodka, not bourbon, for example.
Speaking of congeners: "People are individually sensitive to certain congeners and not others," he explains. In other words, your body might have a stronger reaction to the congeners in wine than those in rum, but your friend might notice the opposite. If you know from experience that a certain type of alcohol doesn't make you feel as bad as others, make that your drink of choice.
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Get enough sleep after a night out drinking
Alcohol disrupts sleep, and we all know how we feel when we don't sleep well. Dr. Koob suggests easing up on your alcohol intake at the end of the night, so you give your body time to process it before you hit the hay. Having alcohol in your system may wake you up in the middle of the night. Ultimately, the more quality sleep you can get, the better, so try your best to coax yourself back to dreamland. Taking a nap the next day can't hurt either.
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< How to Prevent a Hangover, According to a Doctor
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